I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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