thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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