hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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