I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We got so high we made milksteak
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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