I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize