TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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