it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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