someone threw a dead crab at me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize