seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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