Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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