Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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