As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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