Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize