My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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