Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize