Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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