And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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