I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize