Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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