college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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