yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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