So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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