You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize