remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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