he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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