So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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