I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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