He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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