dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize