You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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