Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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