Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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