And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize