This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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