its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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