Got a toothbrush?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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