Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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