no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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