Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize