"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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