I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize