i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
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The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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