drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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