is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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