You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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