Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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