I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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