but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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