Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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