Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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